In a few hours I will be doing a run of the solo, trying out a new order. Kugler and Jesse will be there. My body suddenly feels incapable of doing anything except lying in bed all day. I look ahead at all that I have to do in the solo and feel crippled by it. The solo feels like a long journey across difficult terrain and I don't know if I can make it.
But I know this place, of course. It is the familiar place that comes before every performance, every dance. This place of unpreparedness despite the weeks, months, years of preparing. The feeling that you might actually die before you make it to the end of this self-inflicted rite of passage.
And I know, also, of course, that I will make it. That somehow, the dance gets danced.