Saturday, May 31, 2008

the gaze of the beloved

Sometimes we think that the gaze of the beloved is more benevolent than the gaze of the judge. We dance under this gaze thinking we will be safe. We "love" people in order to construct a safe framework in which to engage with them. (I love black people, I love french people, I love chinese people, I love white people. Or, I love my dancers, I love my collaborators)

But love is violence too (the arrows! the arrows!)

As fellow-blogger Adriana Bucz said, to "fall" in love suggests an accident. A crash. A scraping of elbows and knees.

To fall in love is to come up against another human being. The warm baths, the caresses, the flowers - they are all strategies to penetrate you, to change you, to be changed by you.

This chemical reaction is violent.
We want it because we depend upon it to survive. To move through what could be the morass of life.
But we are afraid of it because like all true engagement - art, conversation, war - it threatens to annihilate us.
Our edges dissolve and we don't know who we are anymore.

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