Wednesday, May 21, 2008

I can be very slow

Sometimes we are incapable of hearing the things we want to hear.

A long time ago when I was much younger than I am now, I spent an evening flirting and dancing with the lead actor of the movie in which I had a bit part. We ended up in his hotel room talking about Joseph Campbell and b-movies (my intelligence! my intelligence!) I was expecting to end up fucking him. At some point he said, well, I am going to have bath. I thought, whaddaya mean you're gonna have a bath? Have you been stringing me along the whole evening?? Am I not good enough for you because you're the lead and I am not glamourous enough for you? So I said, well, ok, I'm going back to my room then.

I left, thinking I had kept my pride intact.

Later, much later, ten years in fact later, while walking down Commercial Drive, it hit me out of the blue: the bath!! - it hadn't been a rejection after all, it had been an invitation. He just wanted to be clean! I had totally missed the signal.

I told this story to Laetitia recently while we were talking about how often we misread messages because we are too afraid and insecure.

It is as hard to accept, as it is to give without wanting anything in return.

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