Thursday, October 30, 2008


Last night, I said to Junhong, "Now that I have a boyfriend, I know that it takes time away from you and that is a bummer.", to which he nodded vigorously in agreement. "But you should know that it does not take any of my heart away from you". He hugged me and whispered in my ear, "I know". Then he said, "Your heart just gets bigger and bigger. The more people you love the bigger it gets!"

Monday, October 27, 2008


Yesterday I turned 44. I made a chocolate cake with coconut buttercream. I also made little finger sandwiches. A paean to my tropical post-colonial upbringing. I served this to my loved ones - old and new - and felt giddy with excitement.

But I am realising that while my heart can expand, the days and weeks cannot.

Last night as I lay curled up in the beloved's lap, relieved to be in the dark, quiet, happy to be enveloped in love, I also felt a tinge of sadness that there is not enough time and space to be with everyone. Goodbyes must be said and endured. Absences must be tolerated.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008


The wind has dropped out of my sails somewhat. Inevitably, there is the fall after the flight.

I notice the garden needs cleaning up.

I can't even keep my imagery straight at the moment.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

lung fish!

At the risk of this blog turning into a fishblog, here is another offering from Jason (not the man in the picture).

My defense is that fish is, um, perishable.

Monday, October 13, 2008

lung fiction

Of course, fish don't have lungs!!! (I should have known this)
It is not a slice of lung that Jason gave me but a slice of pyloric caeca. (I wouldn't have known this)

Jason has just confessed that he had forgotten the word for this organ when he gave it to me and had simply said, lung. Apparently, the pyloric caeca assists primarily in absorbing nutrients, but it also absorbs oxygen into the blood stream.

I am glad to know of this scientific fact.
However, I like the poetry of fish lung.


Thanksgiving is my favourite holiday of the year. Because it is about food and love. About taking a moment to reflect on all you that you have.

Sunday, October 12, 2008


From Jason, my fish-bird man, on closing night of The Whole Beast:

The heart, a slice of lung and the liver of a chinook salmon.

Saturday, October 11, 2008

preparing #2

In preparation for the closing night of The Whole Beast, I just cooked myself a lunch of rib eye steak, rare, topped with a sauté of wild mushrooms, accompanied by steamed brocollini. I am eating it now, washing it down with a glass of Chilean malbec.

After this, I am going to make cornbread stuffing for tomorrow's Thanksgiving dinner.
David is cooking Cornish hens on the rotisserie.
We will eat all this with our loved ones and give thanks for the existence of love and food.

Friday, October 10, 2008


I had a good show. Possibly the best show I've had. The trick is to eat meat all day. Yeah that works..


Yesterday, I overdid it. I did 2 hours of bagua in the morning. Then a monastic lunch of chicken broth with vegetables. Then an ashtanga practice BEFORE opening night of a 60-minute solo. WAS I OUT OF MY FUCKING MIND????

Today, I woke up in the arms of my beloved.
I came home and went to bed for a few hours.
Then I ate left over fatty charcuterie.
David has just returned from The British Butcher Shoppe with a couple of meatpies and a scotch egg and I am going to eat those too.

While waiting for them to heat up, over a glass of spanish tempranillo-cabernet sauvignon blend, I am watching the nailbiting final episode of Master Chef: The Professionals wherein 3 young men from the British Isles duke it out with their culinary skills to win the title of the next big culinary star of the UK. (The young men - ernest, sporting incomprehensible accents and very prone to blushing when happy and when disappointed - make compelling watching. Plus I have a HUGE boner for Michel Roux Jr., one of the judges and apparently a culinary legend)

Tonight, Yang Shifu is coming to the show.


me in my wilderness

Last night was opening night for The Whole Beast in Vancouver.
This picture is from Brest (you can tell from the very beautiful cyclorama that took many obsessive-compulsive french technicians and many days to achieve), sent by James from across the continent yesterday morning to wish me well on this journey.

I did not eat enough proteins during the day yesterday and felt shaky during the show. I am making up for it today by eating left over Rabbit Rillette and Pâté de Campagne made by Paul Findlay for last night's reception.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008


More offerings from Jason, who gazes at death with me.

words, time, river

When Junhong has something important to say, he usually writes it down in a note to give to me. He says of the intensity of his emotions, "Sometimes I can't speak".

I know what he means.

Easier to write.
Time slows down between the heart beat and the word.

Pipo once described the first time he went white-water kayaking. The first time he went down the river it was over before he knew what was happening. But as he repeated the ride, over and over, he began to see the eddies and the rocks and the falls along the way, and what had felt like half a second before, now felt like a lifetime.


Here are pictures of me in rehearsal, taken by Amy Pelletier for a photo essay to be found in this month's Dance Current.

Saturday, October 4, 2008

what women like

One day, I gave girl advice to Junhong.
I said, "Junhong, a woman loves a man who dances."
And I said, "And a woman loves a man who plays fiddle. Remember that."
Then I added,
"Oh, and a woman loves a man who can catch fish with his bare hands"

To which he replied, "I think that's what YOU like, mama"